Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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