I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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