I accidentally had phone sex last night
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
