Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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