Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
