She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
