I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
