I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
