whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
