when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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