Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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