Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
