I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
where am i from again
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
