So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
