My sheets look like a crime scene.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
