You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
