Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
