I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
