I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
