Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
