Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
