She is in my trunk
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
