Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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