I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
