So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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