and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
