mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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