he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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