Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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