She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
