everyone is single if you try hard enough
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
