In the future we'll all be gay
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
