oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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