No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
