So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
