I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The feeling are messing with the penis
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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