So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
