And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
