All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Randomize
