If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
