New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
