It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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