My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
fuck your aforementioned shoe
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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