Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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