too bad you live with your parents still
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
