My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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