shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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