Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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