i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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