I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
