I am puke
what day is it and did you see me today?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
