Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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