I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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