Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
