either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
