Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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