And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
