I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
