If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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