he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
