Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
