Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize