Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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