Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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