Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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