i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize