You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
