He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
