I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
