Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
