Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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