If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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